I am feeling really mouthy lately, more than usual. Ripped this list of questions from Bernie.
1. Do you expect to receive a Valentine’s Day wish from someone special this year?
Well, I don’t know what to expect. There is a special someone (shhh!) but who knows what will happen? I want to say that I expect nothing but that’s not entirely true. You know how only celebrate a holiday out of habit, and not because it really means anything to you (e.g., Christmas, Thanksgiving, Groundhog Day). That’s how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I remember those tasty little hearts I used to get when I was a kid with the “Be Mine” messages on them. Red greeting cards. A day to wear red to work and eat red cookies that an office mate brought in. That pretty much covers it.
2. What is the biggest fib you’ve ever put on a resume?
Never lied on a resume. Honest to Jesus.
3. Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic about your financial future in 2004?
I am generally optimistic. I tend to go crazy on Half.com (so don’t go there, they will get you too!) but overall I pay my bills and travel like nobody’s business! Must be doing something right, huh?
4. Which of the following would you most like to be, and why:
a. A famous artist or entertainer
b. A world class athlete
c. A wealthy business owner.
d. An influential politician or community leader
Okay, here’s the deal-E-O: being famous is a lot of work, and I don’t like a lot of work. A better occupation for me would be one that required my body to be horizontal ten hours out of the day, while I stroke my beard, a breast or a nice fat kadunk, or all three at the same time. Money’s cool, and I want some, but I am not willing to shoulder the responsibility of being wealthy. Ditto on the politician or community leader. Who wants to be a martyr? Not I, said the duck. I see that “whore” isn’t listed as a choice. Too bad.
5. Have you ever engaged in a sexual act (including masturbation) at a place where you worked?
Like I would tell you. Maybe in person. With your legs draped over my shoulders on my desk at the office.
6. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? How many and where?
Nope.
7. What did you eat the last time you had a late night hunger craving?
A dick. Just kidding. No, seriously.
8. Do you know for whom you’ll be voting for president, either in a primary or the general election?
I generally vote AGAINST people, the least offensive selfish jerk. Bush is at the top of my list.
9. The Super Bowl is this weekend. Will you watch for the game, the halftime show or the commercials?
Yeah this an old question, but I didn’t watch any of it.
10. If either were to come your way today, which would be more welcome; a check for $200 or two hours of hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex?
Psst, please, just fork over the cash, will ya?