Rashawn, then and now.
So I saw Rashawn Brazell’s case profiled on America’s Most Wanted (AMW). Did you? It was something. Not sure what though, as I am still processing what I saw on Saturday night.
Despite my concern for Rashawn and his family since February—my involvement in the Rashawn Brazell Collective and with the RB Memorial Scholarship Committee, collecting the news articles about him, working the door at the memorial scholarship fund raiser this past August, where I talked with Rashawn’s sisters, and danced with his mom, Desire—seeing AMW’s dramatization of this young man’s life…hurt.
Rashawn became "embodied" for me in a way I hadn’t experienced before last Saturday night undoubtedly due to AMW’s decision to “write” his “story.” A young man chained up to a radiator? A bloody hand poking out of a duffel bag? Close ups of a brown body with scars on it? A pile of parts on a coroner's table? While the scenes with his mother were touching, I was undone by overly graphic segment – the lead story. Was this necessary? I have never seen a more graphic portrayal than the one on Rahsawn’s murder. Why? The viciousness of this assault? Because Rashawn was gay, black? Who knows. During the segment, I wondered aloud if Rashawn’s murder (provided it is a hate crime) is the most publicized bias murder against a homosexual of African descent, period? I’ve read stories about individuals, but rarely do crimes against black LGBT/SGL/Queer bodies make national news, even if, in this case, it is a television show that has imprinted the face of Rashawn and his murder in minds of millions of Americans.
Although I like the fact that John Walsh told viewers to keep an open mind, that just because Rashawn was black and gay, that doesn’t mean his killer was (that is, black and gay), it wasn’t necessary to show some actor in his underwear chained to a radiator—-certainly his family didn’t need to swallow that image, without warning. Fact is nobody knows exactly what happened and so images like these leave indelible (and false) impressions in our heads. The media is so irresponsible, so subjective, that it is hard to take them seriously, and then again to dismiss them entirely because surely there is truth, surely. Right? Personally I am exhausted by my own ignorance about the world, largely due to the way I was educated, which was hardly an education at all. Thoughts like these consume me as I digest the news daily, particularly as it relates to brown bodies. And there is no way I can end this paragraph confidently, so.
Perhaps the graphic portrayal of Rashawn's story will help tip that delicate of scale of truth in our favor, and maybe someone will talk and someone will be caught for this heinous crime.
Watching the segment brought up a lot for me. In all the work we've done, for the collective and the scholarship, I've had to step back and distance myself from Rashawn's humanity. While I think about Rashawn quite often, I rarely think about his murder. I can't. It immobilizes me. But, the segment was so graphic, so sensationalized, that I couldn't help but weep. My mind raced, thinking about this whole theory of him chained up in a room for days (news to me, by the way). Everything seemed so far from the truth, but as you said, who could really know the truth? However, I felt like I was watching an episode of CSI--- what with the re-enactments and the flashbacks of the actual scene to explain away the few pieces of evidence we have. What I did take away from it, after staring at his picture for some time, is that I do need to mourn, and remember his humanity. To do this work, I can't distance myself, but I must keep him close.
I am inclined to agree with you. Rashawn's story might be the most publicized of thousands of murders of black gay men. It's an accomplishment, in some ways. We've done quite a bit of work to make sure Rashawn's story doesn't fall through the cracks. However, we must lay the groundwork of affirming the lives of others like us, so that their stories may also be told.
All I know is that I miss him terribly. And that I struggle everyday to keep my memories of him alive, the memories of him before he was another murdered black gay man.
I doubt that finding the killer will give me much peace, if he is ever found. I've found some justice in his scholarship, in the work that we've done, and continue to do.
Posted by mervyn / on Sep 27 @ 5:16 PM